Building Your Child's Self-Esteem During the Holidays
Recently, my wife and I realized the need to help one of our children with self-esteem issues. She's taken emotional perspective, support, and encouragement role; while, I've taken the mindset, "how can I set them up for a win." It hasn't been one method or the other but both that have lead to all around increased self-esteem within our child's life.
A great football coach of the University of Southern California and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers John McKay, was being interviewed on television when the subject of his son's athletic talent was raised. That year John McKay Jr. was a successful player on his dad's college team. Coach McKay was asked to comment on the pride he must feel over his son's accomplishments on the field. His answer was most impressive: "Yes, I'm pleased that John had a good season last year. He does a fine job and I am proud of him. But I would be just as proud if he had never played the game at all."
Coach McKay was saying, in effect, that John's football talent is recognized and appreciated, but his human worth does not depend on his ability to play football. Thus, his son would not lose respect if the next season brought failure and disappointment. John's place in his dad's heart was secure, independent of his performance. I wish every child could say the same.
To the contrary,
human worth in our society is carefully reserved for those who meet certain rigid specifications.
The beautiful people are born with it;
those who are highly intelligent are likely to find approval;
superstar athletes are usually respected.
But no one is considered valuable just because he or she is!
Social acceptability is awarded rather carefully, making certain to exclude those who are unqualified.
human worth in our society is carefully reserved for those who meet certain rigid specifications.
The beautiful people are born with it;
those who are highly intelligent are likely to find approval;
superstar athletes are usually respected.
But no one is considered valuable just because he or she is!
Social acceptability is awarded rather carefully, making certain to exclude those who are unqualified.
Believe it or not, my 3-year-old was and is capable of "feeling" his or her own lack of worth in this system. Most of our little ones have observed very early that some people are valuable and some aren't; they also know when they are one of the losers!
In many ways, we parents inadvertently teach this system to them, beginning in infancy to place a price tag on human worth. The result is widespread inferiority and inadequacy — which has probably included you and me in its toll.
Share your thoughts with me.
trevord@nhww.org
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