“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:14 (NASB)
As I read Matthew 6:14 a few questions lingered in my mind:
How does the Bible define “forgiveness”?
Their are over fifty (50+) verses that touch on “forgiveness.” It’s from those verses we can obtain a direction definition:
Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as, 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious studies, the social sciences, and in medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender. In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.
How does the Bible define “sin”?
According to James 4:17 states, “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” So, sin is knowing what you ought to do and then NOT doing it or knowing what NOT to do and then doing it.
What is the difference between cultural and biblical forgives? What does the actions of forgiveness look like in reality? How do I forgive some for the pain they’ve caused me? How do things looking after I’ve ‘asked’ for “forgiveness”? What should I do if I’m dealing with personal / inward regrets / forgiveness issues?
I’ve often had to acknowledge my misconceived definition of things in the midst of discovering the truth. Let’s first go, 9 Things Forgiveness Is NOT. (Note: ***Are excerpts from "Taking Out the Trash," Real Marriage from Mars Hill.)
1. FORGIVENESS IS NOT DENYING, APPROVING, OR DIMINISHING SIN THAT IS COMMITTED AGAINST US.
After being sexually molested by a neighbor earlier in life I quickly learned that I cannot say I’m are fine, that it was no big deal, or that, since it was in the past, I’ve just moved on. I must be honest about the reality of the sin if I want the forgiveness to be equally earnest. In forgiving, I’m, in fact, saying they are wrong, I do not approve of their sin/action, and that it really is a big deal and not a trivial matter.
2. FORGIVENESS IS NOT NAÏVETÉ.
Naïve people are prone to live as if the world were not filled with depraved sinners capable of evil, and they often become naïve by not really looking at the sinfulness of sin, including their own. Such people are not forgiving sin as much as they are ignoring it. (***)
3. FORGIVENESS IS NOT ENABLING SIN.
To forgive people is not to remain stuck in their cycle of sin, thus being complicit and enabling their continued transgression. (***)
4. FORGIVENESS IS NOT WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ACKNOWLEDGE SIN, APOLOGIZE, AND REPENT.
The sad truth is that some people will never fully repent, and others never at all. Others we will never see again, or they will die before we hear an apology. I forgive because it is what God requires and what we need, not because our offenders have apologized. I’ll never forget the time God gently asked me, “Trevor, who are you to withhold anything I’ve freely extended to you?”
5. FORGIVENESS IS NOT FORGETTING ABOUT SIN COMMITTED AGAINST US.
It is actually impossible to completely forget such things. This is why when God says, “Their sin I will remember no more,” it does not mean that he has no memory, but rather that he continually chooses not to bring it up or keep it in the forefront of his thinking. Indeed, because God is all-knowing, it is, in fact, impossible for him to actually forget something. (***)
6. FORGIVENESS IS NOT DYING EMOTIONALLY AND NO LONGER FEELING THE PAIN OF THE TRANSGRESSION.
Once I choose to attempt live out biblical ‘forgiveness’ rather than cultural ‘forgivness’ I felt the appropriate depth of grievous pain caused against me. Overtime I had to choose by grace not to be continually paralyzed or defined by it. For a long time I was captive in a emotional prison not knowing how to get out.... a healthy understanding #6 deeply intertwined with #7 help me make forward progress one day at a time.
7. FORGIVENESS IS NOT A ONE-TIME EVENT.
Those who have been sinned against commonly have seasons when they feel afresh the pain of past hurts and have to forgive their transgressors yet again.
8. FORGIVENESS IS NOT RECONCILIATION.
It takes one sinner to repent, and one victim to forgive, but it takes both to reconcile. Therefore, unless there is both repentance by the sinner and forgiveness by the victim, reconciliation cannot occur, which means the relationship remains continually broken until reconciliation does occur. Forgiveness is the beginning of potential reconciliation but is not in and of itself reconciliation. Forgiveness takes a moment. The trust that reconciliation requires is gained slowly and lost quickly.
9. FORGIVENESS IS NOT NEGLECTING JUSTICE.
In fact, if a crime has been committed, we can simultaneously forgive someone and call the police to arrest him or her. God will deal with every sin of every human being justly. For those who repent of sin and come to faith in Jesus Christ, justice came at the cross of Jesus, when our Savior suffered and died in our place for our sins. For those who do not repent of sin and come to faith in Jesus Christ, their justice will come in the punishment that is assigned to them in the conscious eternal torments of hell. By not seeking vengeance, we are not neglecting justice, but rather trusting God for perfect justice and getting ourselves out of the middle between the sinner and God. Romans 12:19 instructs precisely this: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” (***)
"Not forgiving someone can quickly turn into bitterness and bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." -Ron McManus
Such a silly thought, and yet, we do it all the time.
I know that I’m are not bitter when I actually want those who have sinned against me to be maturing Christians and, in addition to praying for them, I forgive them in hopes of showing them the gospel of grace.
God help us to forgive those who have wronged us so that we can set down our glasses of poison and live in the fullness of God's forgiveness.
You can do it, you know. God will help you! It's a choice.
“8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:5-9. - Trevor
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